Fingerprints

Just Before New Year!!!

sino ba ang mas mahalaga sa'yo... ang taong mahal mo o ang taong gusto mong mahalin??? ang taong kasama mo buong araw o ang taong iniisip mo bago matapos ang araw??? sya bang kasa-kasama mo sa lahat ng ginagawa mo o siyang dahilan ng lahat ng galaw at ginagawa mo??? sino ba ang mas mahalaga... yung taong gusto mong makasama habang buhay o yung taong hindi mo makita ang habang buhay pag wla sya??? sino ang mas matimbang yung taong pag kasama mo'y parang kay bilis ng oras o yung taong tuwing iniisip moy parang kay bagal ng oras??? ano ang susundin... ang dinidikta mo sa puso mo o ang dinidikta ng puso mo sa'yo??? sya ba ung laging pumapasok sa isip mo o sya ung laging laman ng panaginip mo??? sino nga ba... ang taong nagpaluha sa'yo o ang taong nagpunas sa minsang pagluha mo??? sino sa kanila... ang nagpapatawa sa'yo o ang taong dahilan ng lahat ng iyong emosyon??? sino nga ba ang pipiliin mo??? ANG TAONG MULING NAGBUKAS NG PUSO MO... O ANG TAONG MATAGAL NG NANDOON???

At last! I've completed the 9days simbang gabi for the nth year.. hehehe.. but it feels good.. :) was thinking of making my year-end blog report.. nakz.. but I'm still pondering what happy things had happened this year.. together with that we had an amazing clan reunion last Dec. 20th.. my cuzin has the pix and I'm waiting for him to send them to me pa.. post later.. HaPpY HoLiDaYs!!!

I found the song I want to walk the isle with.. hehe... Canon in D by Pachelbel.. I know di na ako original nyan but there's the kind of happiness and love I feel whenever I hear the song.. and I'll be more than proud to walk with my dad in my hand in that song.. as he walks me to the isle, my groom awaits lovingly ~ to be my husband and partner ~ forever. nakz! hahahaha... I found the kind of wedding ring I'd want to wear forever 2years ago. I found the church I wanted to get married in last year. I found the song I want to be played this year. Maybe next year I'll finally meet the one for me.

Heaven Knows Rick Price She's always on my mind From the time I wake up, Till I close my eyes. She's everywhere I go She's all I know. And though she's so far away, It just keeps getting stronger everyday And even now she's gone I'm still holding on So tell me, where do I start 'Coz it's breakin' my heart Don't wanna let her go Chorus: Maybe my love will come back someday Only heaven knows And maybe our hearts will find a way But only heaven knows And all I can do is hope & pray 'Coz heaven knows. My friends keep telling me That if you really love her, You've gotta set her free And if she returns in time I'll know she's mine But tell me, where do I start 'Coz it's breakin' my heart Don't wanna let her go (Repeat Chorus except last line) Bridge: 'Coz heaven knows Why I live in despair 'Coz wide awake or dreamin', I know she's never there And all the time I act so brave, I'm shakin' ins

I got so many questions in my mind today.. simple ones and may even be selfish. I'm 25.. going 26 soon.. and I guess I'm near the crossroads of my life (or even in it, just didn't know) and yet I couldn't really say I've done a single great thing for the last few years or so. Now I begin to ask.. Why am I here? What's the sense of my life and where am I going? There are so many changes in my life, for one thing I noticed that the once unblemished face of mine now has a dark eyebag almost every single day from furiously crying the night before. Am I going to be like this for all eternity? There must be something more. I have given up a love that felt so real coz the other doesn't think it was real (or maybe di talaga pala totoo un in the first place).. ah yeah I know, I should get over it.. but hey, I'm human, I can't just throw these things away just like an old rug. I'm not someone who crosses the likes of love everyday, I'm one of the unfor

Yesterday was Mama Mary's Birthday... and the day I had my cyst excision.. yeah that's right! but it's ok.. this wasn't the first time I got operated on... remember the eye operation?? may cyst din un .. hehehe.. you can then call me.. 'Cyst Factory'... dad performed the task and funny but all the while I was thinking "why the hell did those other girls cry during the operation... not a single pain have I felt!" Maybe it's because it was my Dad operating me.. but I can quite recall I didn't lose my wits during my eye operation either.. maybe I'm just strong.. hahaha... But the end is not over yet... sa 19th pa ang result if it's cancerous or not.. whew! and if it's cancerous (i'm surely hoping not) titignan how much it has already spread.. if so, my whole boob will be taken off!!! oh my gosh! Ha! imagine this being done to someone who hasn't even really tried having a bf before.. and will never ever get to be married... wuhu

this is cool.. watch the video HERE

What Can't Kill You.... Can Make You Stronger!

Today I realize he's gone and I can't do anything about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know what people might think as of the moment, majority would say "what?! you're still at it after months?" "tanga tanga mo naman.. tagal mong ma-over!" "It's your fault, iniisip mo kasi always" blah blah blah... but hey, I did not wish for this to happen, neither did I intend for it to linger on for a long time. It is not easy to find a love, but it's more difficult to lose a love. All day today, I was thinking of WHY?!.. went to a Harry Potter movie with my family but thoughts kept coming in my mind.. sa car pa lang I was blaming myself and even my brothers for what was happening to me (It's my fault I am far, it's my brother's fault kung di lang sana nila pinagpalit mga gf nila!, it's my grandfather's fault if he hadn't cheated!).. I'm so horrid, blaming others for the things that are happening to me. But then, I realized how go

There have been a lot of things happening lately but I thought it's best if I don't share it thru my blog na lang. I've noticed the blog I'm keeping is too emotional.. seems like it's projects my 'kadramahan' and I'm sure majority of the people who visit this blog would think that I'm way way over my head right now.. hahayy.. But same parin lahat.. nothing has changed.. I'm still sore to the heart and Only Time can heal a broken heart. Don't want to talk about it.. just updating this blog for future use..

A funny but understandably innocent situation occured to be last Saturday that truly made me think a lot.... as in A LOT.. I was approaching the elevator on our 14th floor office at Landco when suddenly a bunch of people from the other office was also on their way.. since the building was considered as a 'smart building' hehe.. smart daw coz there aren't any buttons inside the elevator.. what you do is you press the desired floor you'd like to go to on the outside then the elevator screen shows you which door you are assigned, which then would take you to your desired floor.. hayy haba! Anyways Elevator C is the dreaded door since it's always stuck, rarely is running properly plus there are fears of being stranded because of it's MOODS hehehe.. as we call it. Now to make the long story short.. we were assigned to elevator C and one could hear shrieks and ayyy's of some people knowing we would be using the dreaded elevator.. plus there were qualms of death!

Woke up at 5:00am today.. got into my gym clothes and started the day fresh by playing sport sa parking space ng mall.. hehe.. with brothers, cuzins, titas and titos.. this has been the usual day for the last week and I feel great!

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get. You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them. The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase. You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away. You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance. Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't! You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors. Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor. You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for. What Kind of Seducer Are You? All I can say is..... OH REALLY NOW! Mali Ata?!?!?!?!??? hahhahaha... Got this from a thread sa tsinoy, was curious and tried it.. hmm.. wel

Today our clan celebrated one of the traditions we usually have every year.. All Souls Day.. it's a night filled with fun and lots of food.. hehehe.. the way we usually celebrate things -- with lotsa food! hahaha.. and laughter too.. We just got home after arriving there at around 6:30pm after an hour of 'traffic' (that's not very usual in Davao but IT IS usual pag ganitong holiday).. stayed there, had some prayers and of course a lot of food..again.. hehe.. plus big plans for the clan or simply showing off some skills in entertainment and even ghost stories.. oooohh spooky.. It's fun to have these 'traditions' along, many people take these forgranted and majority would rather spend these occassion with their friends but for US we'd rather spend it with the people who define us -- our family. I was thinking kanina na I bet our ancestors would be damn proud of us.. hehe.. we simply can have clean fun just around each other, no fancy stuff, no special eff

i, me, and myself 

Routines... never really got them until recently. Been accustomed most of the time for 'surprise attacks' and other unplanned situations but truly this time, I need them. Just talked to an online friend, sought advice about what to do - actually sought someone to just talk to. I know there are a lot of advices I can get from people I know, but this time I need someone who knows how to listen.. He does. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you, I do not give as the world give, do not be afraid do not let your heart be troubled - John 14:27 He reminded me of the above passage, and it brought me some comfort. Gosh, I truly can't live without talking to someone.. hahay.. my greatest weakness in life. Anyways, he's right, it's my decision.. No matter what advices people would give, it's up to me to decide what's best for me.. if only my heart cooperates. Pero tama.. it's not time for loving no more.. martrydom has it's place in luneta.. sa firing sq

Just finished an all-time favorite movie of mine "Shakespeare In Love" nakz.. It's breathtakingly funny how one relates to these love stories, I feel as if I can 'relate' ... hehe.. Well for this one, it's a Tragedy.. but it amazes me how people could have the skill and creativity to write these stories.. same with love songs.. I often wonder... 'what were they thinking?' while creating these masterpieces.. As the story suggests.. shakespeare was in love during the time while making the Play Romeon and Juliet ... oh well I forgot my literature class whether or not it was true (na inlove siya that time) hehe.. but the story suggests that he was and that it was a love that was never to be. If the play were true the question that "if ever you were in their shoes and you know it's not meant to be, would you have allowed love?" A strong "YES" could be heard if hopeless romantics are asked.. and so would I... before. But now.. I don&

How You Are In Love You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to give more than take in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard. How Are You In Love?

Last Oct. 19 was dad's 52nd birthday.. it was raining very hard pero hmm.. dumating parin naman lahat ng tao.. hehe.. it was so specially prepaired and everyone enjoyed.. sayang I didn't get to take some pix.. mejo busy kasi eh.. I got drunk that night.. hehe Yesterday, we attended a simple wedding at the Garden City of Samal (it's another island 5mins by ferry boat from Davao City) afterwhich, decided to go for overnight stay sa isang resort there.. now I'm sun burnt! Furthermore, I got to talk to someone just a few minutes ago.. I was asking him about men's behaviour (nakz).. the thought just got me, about men and their 'palusot' of 'not deserving you and not being able to give you what u deserve' tone.. and i had him distinguish the 'fake' and the 'real' but i guess it boils down to one thing.. love can't be forced. Ah I almost forgot, wasn't doing anything this afternoon so I decided to go over my friendster list.. It cer

I just spent the whole day sleeping! oh yeah.. NOT because I was sick or anything.. just because I felt sooo lonely... Yeah psychiatrists would certainly think I'm one of those people who have this disorder.. maybe I do.. but I doubt.. this is just a simple case of heartache.. yeah yeah yeah.. I know the word has been in the air for the longest time now, but then I realize it's out of our control.. No matter how 'strong' I would act, it boils down to one thing "Emotional things just bugs me down." And admittedly. I don't know how else to cope with it than by sleeping. Hey, I didn't cry.. nor did I mope.. I just plainly slept without feeling rejuvinated the next hour. Oh, maybe my heart just grew too tired to think and just wanted rest. Anyways, tonight just before goin to bed had helped out cleaning and waxing the floor of the groundfloor of our house, for Dad's big day tomorrow.. I was literally using my hands to wax (yeah this lady knows how t

Today is hopefully a great day.. :) Starting my monday right with thinking more positively.. Had a very nice txting conversation last night and I but wonder, "how come things feel so good after a nice conversation?" hehe.. maybe because it's who I am.. Can't put into words how light I feel today but I'm hoping it'll last the whole week thru. Feeling God's love surely is the best ever. :)

I may be naive about things in life specially those concerning the emotional side but somehow I have an attitude na I always push things to the limit. I'm the type who tries to go beyond the norm of society but I guess this time I have to yield in. I've always thought na even if 'Ex' mo na ang someone.. everyone started out as 'friends' so it must end as 'friends' as well. Now that I'm in the situation, hirap pala talaga.. it ain't easy to say 'hi, musta?' to someone you shared your heart with without thinking if he feels the same still. It's difficult to accept the at one point in time you were the one who filled his heart but now there's someone else. Even the thought that he's enjoying talking to her now tortures my mind and heart. But there's an end to everything. No matter how much one desires to hold on to a love.. Once it's past, it's past. I may be hurting a lot now, but nobody knows how much but my hea

Whew... life has many difficulties talaga noh? am still awake.. simply because hay.. same old problem.. yoko na pag-usapan.. DON'T PROBLEM THE PROBLEM UNLESS YOUR PROBLEM IS YOUR FACE! hahahha... tawa na lang maski walay kataw-anan.. sus

october 6th... my supposedly 4th monthsary.. supposedly.. hehe 

Major meltdown last night.. wanted to get even with someone.. wanted to post her number online.. sa lahat ng chatroom and even porn sites! hmm.. sama ko talaga noh? but hay.. as my friend told me last night "Don't sink into her level!" hay this is all making me look 'worn out' like a doormat.. aaaarrrgghhhh....! a friend was kind enough to tell me to 'hang on' and 'don't lose it'.. siguro natatawa na siya sa ka-dramahan ko... he even sent me a nice story.. here it goes : MY ATTORNEY After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me He definitely was the most evil person I

Pissing off at someone is such an easy thing to release for most people but not for me.. why is it that it's always me who has to let go?!! Was caught up in a crossfire between 2 lovers (my ex and his current) what the!? I know exactly what you're thinking... and it puzzles me a lot too.. But the issue is.. as always it's me who has to let go.. funny as it may seem, this has always been the predicament eversince.. no one ever fights for me.. it's me who always loses.. and alas this time! to keep her insecurity off my back, I told her I'm pregnant and am getting married soon! oh yeah right! even thought of a name for the 'father'... CHITO.. sheez.. now I'm in the market for a new globe sim.. hahahay.. after years and years and years.. now I need to change sims na.. and all because of LOVE.. whew... how I wish I never have fallen.. how I wish I never met the guy.. how I wish I stuck deeply infatuated with the Canada-guy who thought of me as his little sis

me.. 

fun pix 10-05-05 

fun pix 10-05-05 

with my current situation right now, i came across an old friend whom i've spent much time 'analyzing' my emotional side.. hehe.. after the 'kumustas' and 'hellos' he firmly asked "how's the lovelife?" ... and i can't help but laugh at myself right now sa mga nasagot ko that time.. i was so passionate to tell him my heartaches and everything afterwhich he just answered with "ah oki" hehehe.. pero a thought struck me a lot with the conversation.. he says "You truly are young in everything pa!" was actually taken aback with the remark 'coz i always thought i was getting too old! but later realized im young pala talaga.. he continued the thought by saying "when you get to my age and experience, you tend not to see things that way.." "u tend to understand more and let things be..." in bisaya he said.. "ikaw problema nimo is puro lang love love ba.. ang ubang tawo (as in with cebuano accent) nam

I've never really 'faced' the problem just yet, all I've been doing is 'avoiding'.. but just this week I truly did.. but I guess siguro I faced it with anger and people may think I'm over it but I guess I'm not. :( I came across today a thread sa tsinoy it was asking the questions 'san ang mas masakit' wherein there were two photos.. one of which is magkasama ang babae at lalake with a friend (lalake) tapos the girl may have her arm around the guy.. but the girl is holding another guys hand.. and the other one the same the girl has her arm over the guy.. but the guy is holding another man's hand! Yeah a funny thought.. but now it isn't too funny for me anymore.. when I thought about it more, I realized both the photos do hurt a lot.. but what truly hurts deeper, like a dagger straight to ur heart is when the person you truly loved would tell you straight na he loves someone else and was just waiting for the right moment to break it to y

Just what is it in me? Sometimes I just don't know What keeps me in Your love, Why you never let me go And though you're in me now, I fall and hurt you still My Lord, please show me how To know just how you feel You have forgiven me Too many times it seems I feel I'm not what you might call A worthy Christian after all And though I love You so Temptation finds its way to me Teach me to trust in You With all my heart To lean not on my own understanding I just forget You won't give me what I can't bear Take me out of the dark, my Lord I don't wanna be there You've never left my side You gave Your hand to me to hold Oh Jesus, I'm no longer in the cold And yet, I leave You there When I feel satisfied I'd like to thank You every day Not only when I feel that way I've never known a Man Who'd give His life for sinners like me And yet, because He loves us so He's promised us eternity

mga walang magawa sa buhay.. hehehehe... 

Strike a Pose...  

me... 09-22-05 <-- pretty gihapon no maski gipulihan.. hehe.. PEACE 

oh diva... hehehe... 

nakz.. again.. iMaGeS daw... hehehe 09-22-05 

with marlo and lanni  

nakz... 09-22-05 

kabuang lang gud 

With Dada at IMG office... 09-22-05 

Been pre-occupied the last few days... but not that busy.. hehe... more of like I'm now more determined that good things can and will happen in my life.. though sometimes some pang of hurt or jealousy surround me whenever I see couples together (nakz!) wala lang.. it kinds reminds or somehow 'wishes' of what could have been (nakz again) hehehe... Anyways, I haven't cut off communications with him (I don't really know why not?!) I know alot of 'kilays' have been raised na over my 'decision' to keep the friendship.. but I just feel comfy and even happy knowing we still talk.. I don't know if it's a decision that would continue thru and thru, there will always be two sides.. I could hurt, or I could be happy. Though sometimes I get the 'silent jealousy' whenever the thought that he's also talking to someone else comes but I'm happier somehow talking to him this way than nothing at all (martyrdom, I know!). Thus brings me to my

I'm not yet 'out' of the dark cloud yet.. but it's going on pretty smoothly.. I've always thought to myself that if ever this thing comes my way, I don't think I could handle it.. but guess what.. I think I'm handling it pretty well.. It certainly pays well when one allows oneself to just be honest.. honest about everything.. the problem kasi with me (usually) is I'm in 'denial'.. acting happy eventhough too hurt to smile na pala.. but this time I did and am doing what makes me happy.. I haven't even cut off communications with the guy, simply because if I do that, none of my questions will be answered.. and I'll forever be in misery and insecurity of Why things had to happen.. Over the past few days too I've come to realize some things which certainly before I thought isn't really that important.. relationships indeed need 'presence', it doesn't really matter pala how much both love each other kasi without the physic