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Rainbow After Every Rain

Couldn't believe i'd ever have a chance to feel this way again.. hehhe.. for the first time in months.. i can truly say im genuinely happy.. I have always thought that happiness could only happen when all my heart's desires are met, but I stand corrected.. indeed Happiness is within.. nakz

Yeah been sick lately, but maybe it was not just the usual 'sickness' of the health world.. but i guess it was beyond, maybe it was all the accumulation of past hurts and insecurities and of course the virus of sickness..

Sounds corny but I did feel less of a person these past few months.. No one really saw I was wearing the mask of smiles but deep inside I was struggling.. questions of How? Why? What If? surrounded my whole being, specially towards going to sleep.. gone to a point of even questioning my decision-making capabilities and even my worth as a person.. (deep noh?) hehe...

haha.. sounds so serious ey?! I know it would come to a shock when one finds out the reason for doing so.. it was all because of Emotions/Love.. nakz! Hah! it is quite humiliating to admit but I guess everyone passes thru this stage in life when there's a desire to Love.. but the biggest challenge was 'Who to Love?'

Countless debates.. gruelling hours of thinking.. moments of analysis.. How to find the right one? How to see if he loves me too? Is this feeling real? Will I get hurt? Should I continue my path? Am I doing the right thing? Is this Love or Infatuation? ... got books, shared topics, talked to people of all ages, heard experiences, shared advices, practiced lines, endless prayers, buckets of tears, nights of confusion, emotional exhaustion = SICKNESS! hahaha..

but I guess it boils down to one thing.. Love is not there to be analyzed nor thought upon.. it needs a lot of patience and just grows on it's own.. it needs time to spread it wings.. no one should ever force it's development.. for it may wither and die.

as the movie My Sassy Girl says :: maybe our fate is "building a bridge of chance for someone you love"

hehe.. Nah.. haven't found the one to love.. siguro I'm just happy because I'm no longer searching for the someone.. yes I'm excited to find out of course.. but im not in a hurry.. I have my whole life to discover.. and I've discovered na I'm a lovable person pala..

hmm.. the sweetest thing a friend has ever told me.. "it's the truth. I feel at home with you, very welcome. warm, fuzzy like a long lost childhood sweetheart that understands. always right there. im glad we met"..

nakz noh? but in fairness.. friends are more difficult to find.. lovers come and go but friends will stay... forever.

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