Fingerprints

A dream of a broken gate stirred me out of my slumber last night, at around 12 midnight. I got curious at the same time worried of such a dream, went on searching for meaning of such: To see a gate in your dream can represent opportunity. It can also represent safety and security. ... A broken and rusty gate might mean missed opportunities due to neglecting something, or it could mean you have neglected something that once was important to you. Source The line: "You have neglected something that one was important to you" was alarming and I spent a few more minutes pondering what was something I once thought of as important. I could not recall any promise or goal, I could only wonder if this was an omen to warn me of my carelessness and perhaps a missed focus. As I write this post, I recall the many times we talked about our dreams - at the instant that I awake, I'd send you message and you'll look it up and share some thoughts about it. It was one of those ...

The day is a little bit brighter with you in it.

What can you do when you miss someone you do not own?

"I cannot feel the scorpion's sting for you" "I cannot see the beautiful sunset for you" The many things we cannot describe to other people, most the experiences that trigger our hearts. The feelings of love, excitement, grief, solitude. But there are those who are there with us who know exactly what we mean.. it's great to feel things with people.

My sisters-in-law have given birth to babies last July and just a few days ago. I definitely could say that our home is now filled with little cries - sometimes the cries aren't so "little" anymore. I am an observer to the struggles and joys of parenthood as both families are struggling to appease the little souls. Yesterday was a different thing, I have seen the frustration of motherhood - the frustration to not be able to provide for her baby some milk and the baby was dehydrated. I could only cry with her while the rest looked for ways to find solutions. I observed the 'strength' and support-system of this family. Everything will be okay.

Proverbs 21:3 "To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice." To sacrifice, to give up a part of myself has always been my way of showing someone that I truly love. However, today's first reading reminds me to chill. I guess drama is not always needed. To follow the right path and to be just is all that is needed.

I just need to say it.... when I am tired, I look for you.

He keeps his thoughts and fears to himself, and instead does exactly what Jesus tells him to do. The lesson in that for me? Don’t be so quick with my fears, my questions, my self-interests. Just calmly do what Jesus asks of me, and trust that the outcome will be good in the end. Those lines came from a reflection for today's Gospel found at https://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/090720.html It's amazing how those lines hit me on the right spot. I am that person with the withered hand who decided to keep mum. I am that person who did not want to touch on anything related to politics. I keep my thoughts to myself. I do not want to be involved. Yet, I am also that person who hopes for the best regardless. Now, is it wrong of me to keep quiet? I do not know. But the lines from the reflection somehow tells me that there is a right time to speak out. In the scenario of the man with the withered hand and the Pharisees, it was clear that THAT was the ri...

I can't believe I'm at this again. I am seriously too old for this shit! But here I am again.. I am hurt again. After freakin a decade.. I got hurt again.

"It's up to my wife.." A student told me today when I asked them to present in class their future plans. I honestly was taken aback by his response. He wasn't the type of who would let someone decide for him. But there he was telling me this. Somehow, I wasn't sure that his declaration was for real. When I asked him if the decision to get married was his, he simply said, "I don't have a choice." I wonder. If I were the fiance and I heard all these, how would it feel like? On the other hand, will men really dodge the bullets of marriage if they could? Why so? Is marriage only for the weak? I hope not.

I have lost the battle of love. Time and time again, I go back to the same spot. But this time, my battle scars are far from healing. Moping doesn't help in this line. Neither is self-pity. I don't know what I am to gain from all these but I'd like to think of it as a very important milestone of my life. That I, at the age of 30, finally decided to face the music instead of collecting scraps of love. I know it's a bit late for some, but as my old friend Sir Jake told me: "Think of it as a 5-year Thesis." I never saw a thesis that could make someone cry like this before! Haha.. Therefore, I'd rather think of it as an experience. I have loved and I have lost. Whatever the moral of the whole thing is, I have yet to find out.

I had to pleasure of reviewing what I've written over a month ago at a forum I belonged to. It's really odd to find out that you do have a writer's ability - you just haven't noticed it yet. Here's my take on the topic - Have you ever given up on love Humanity's weakness is not knowing what would happen next. Nobody could really tell if you're wrong for each other or if you've found the 'right' one for you. I could remember way back in high school, we were said to the be 'good friends' so we tried to break-up our dear friend with her boyfriend because he was 'bad company', years after - they're still together and finally getting married. So, were we wrong for trying to break them up? Similarly, there also came a point in my life where my mom and I tried to keep the relationship of one of my brothers together. Advised him to not leaving her, her to being more patient, etc. They ended up marrying other people. So, was it our fa...

Most of us are faced with the decision on whether to rent a house is better than buying one. Aside from pricing and affordability as a factor to help make us decide, there are different factors too that we should think about. 1. Environment - Remember that the city home may be quiet expensive as compared to the suburbs. The suburbs would give you a lot of fresh air as compared to the city but travel time would be costlier if you live farther from your work. So, which of environment do you best fit in? Do you like the noisy and upbeat feeling of busy streets and people rushing? or do you like the slow-paced life of the suburbs?If you can afford only those properties in environments that do not fit your preferences, you need to think about whether you are willing to forgo these preferences for the sake of owning a place. 2. Amenities versus Customization - There are those who's like to start from scratch with regards their home. They like decorating, they like buying stuff. On the ot...

I know it's pretty much taboo to discuss about one's age, but I am worried. Honestly, for the first time in my life, I have realized that I'm no longer 16. I was reminded when I found a wrinkle near my left-eye, it isn't that obvious yet, but it's well there. Now, a few days to go and it'll be official. With all the stories of family, weddings, and special dates (not to mention worrying for a friend), I am worried for myself. Worried that I may never get to do something worth a big WOW. Worrying that I'll forever be the hopeless romantic who even cries for the movie The Princess and the Frog. Sheez, tell me about it. I thought I'm done with the drama, but the Disney Fairy Tales prove it's still there. Haha! Anyhow, I know I will get through this in one piece. I just really hope I won't be able to show my disappointment when he forgets.

Type "Best Blogs" on your browser search engine and it would open your mind in the world of pure fascination of how people in the internet could write. I have spent my 30minutes today just reading through blogs of ordinary people and day-to-day living but am not bored to reading them. It's amazing how they could convert their routine to something appealing to a reader. Writing has always been my frustration since I cannot find the mood to write and neither do I think that I'm good at it. I envy those who could just type their thoughts away and with all the jibberish comes out a masterpiece. I have always wanted to be that type of a person - a worthwhile writer. But I guess I need more inspiration and originality to do so. Therefore, after all the drama this blog has been leading it's past few years, I am ready to practice this writing through this one. I don't care if there isn't a single soul reading through this piece of crap, but I promise I'd...

I was reading through my other discussions in another site and have read a very interesting response to one of the people who joined in the discussion. He/she was referring to the reasons why men cheat (or try to cheat) which included the constant paranoia of a wife, her unwilling nights and all her other 'failures' which has caused his man to venture out. The respond reminded me of what a woman I have talked with (of whom the husband was caught cheating). She explained to me that men will never be men, for they will remain as boys. Should a man make his mistress a wife, he would find himself into the same situation he was with his original wife - the same uncaring, paranoid, unwilling, impatient woman. Mistresses are often interesting, sweet, sexy, appealing and all the positive words any man could sexually conger up. They are so due to the main fact that they have nothing else to worry about apart from being the boy's toy, and could afford to pamper herself up the who...

I'm happy today because I realized my craving to make something that my granny used to make us when we were still young, it's called 'Champorado' in my native tongue, but it's called 'chocolate porridge' in most nationalities. It's like a porridge but with cocoa tablets called 'tabliya' (boiled cocoa seeds, ground and shaped into tablets - circular 1cm thick-coin like shapes - shown in the photo below). My grandmother used to make that every Sunday. We pour condensed milk in it and enjoy its chocolaty flavor. Sometimes she boils the tabliya into hot choco which no instand choco drink could ever compete with. Though a note of warning because of its high cholesterol content. Well, I have been keen to cook one someday and I'm glad we had made it for snacks this afternoon. So what dishes, sweets, or cooking do you miss as a child? The ones your grandmother, mother or some relative used to make? Do you ever get to cook or it eat again? A Tabliya ...

This morning, I found myself feeling all better, it's bearable but not yet fully recovered. The day almost lasted with me not getting in touch with the emotional layd ee. But I guess the provera I took (for the 3rd time now) has proven to be more effective and stronger than my will power. By night time, tired of the day's activities, I found myself in tears! Again! It's tough really to realize that things would never be as they were before, it's tougher knowing that regardless how people try to motivate you, they will always be mere spectators (mostly uninterested ones) to your life's drama. It's tougher still when your eyes are open to the reality that he has moved on. Tsk tsk... drama gyud diay ni na topic hehe.. People have mostly applauded my strict discipline, most even say I'm tough at all costs, never to be moved by emotion. I don't cry in public, I don't even cry at funerals! But I've come to admit that indeed in every man/woman ther...

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS... A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Do you ever get that lonely feeling during the holidays? I do, and it's downright weird that I would feel such a thing being with everyone I love during the holidays. Isn't it supposed to be with those who lack something in their lives? Or perhaps it's the cold weather that causes this loneliness? I do feel it, usually during the holidays. I guess this is the main reason why they say that suicide is higher during the holidays as compared to regular days. But don't worry, I'm not up to thinking about suicide, I'm too beautiful for that. Haahahhaa... Further, as the year ends, I'm trying to compose my personal year-end report (as I have always written since time-a-memorial) and I truly could say that 2008 has had her ups and downs and nothing could beat the end of the year than to face a predicament I have always thought I was safe from every experiencing again. Anyhow, for those who have the time to read it, then hopefully I could get my thoughts organiz...