I've never really 'faced' the problem just yet, all I've been doing is 'avoiding'.. but just this week I truly did.. but I guess siguro I faced it with anger and people may think I'm over it but I guess I'm not. :(
I came across today a thread sa tsinoy it was asking the questions 'san ang mas masakit' wherein there were two photos.. one of which is magkasama ang babae at lalake with a friend (lalake) tapos the girl may have her arm around the guy.. but the girl is holding another guys hand.. and the other one the same the girl has her arm over the guy.. but the guy is holding another man's hand!
Yeah a funny thought.. but now it isn't too funny for me anymore.. when I thought about it more, I realized both the photos do hurt a lot.. but what truly hurts deeper, like a dagger straight to ur heart is when the person you truly loved would tell you straight na he loves someone else and was just waiting for the right moment to break it to you gently.
I mean, it's ok if you've heard rumors and you believed them but in my case, I never thought of the possibility.. yeah I know it was stupid of me.. but I do believe when you love someone, Trust is very important.. Trusting is not putting a mark on all of his mistakes so that when the need comes you may be able to bring them to surface once again.. for me kasi Trusting is fully letting go and seeing the person as someone you could trust your life with.. I knew there was a possibility of hurting a lot.. but I never thought he could replace me just like that. :(
I still get stunned everytime I recall the lines he told me.. I asked him 'do you love her?' he said 'medyo' .. just typing the word feels as if my heart is torn all over again.. pero what truly makes a tear fall is when I recall the words 'I was just waiting for the right time to break it to you gently coz I didn't want you hurt'
hmm... ironically, when does saying those lines never hurt ba? the mere fact na pinagpalit ka hurts too much na..
But then I guess he never believed I loved him so much.. it was not the grade six puppy love where you get butterflies in your stomach whenever your crush approaches.. neither was it a highschool love where thoughts of fairy tales ending suffice.. neither was is college flames where thoughts of lust and extreme enjoyment blinds the minds of people..
It was a relationship based on friendship.. the kind where I know he was comfortable enough to tell me all his thoughts and feelings and I was able to be, for the first time, myself.. it was a love where flaws were discovered but slowly understood and accepted.. where there was longingness to see him again, to get the chance to talk to him once more, just to see him smile know he's ok.. I even usually imagined how the meeting would be.. hehe.. we'd be eating quek quek.. fishballs.. the famous siopao of a place he knows.. then we'd be sitting somewhere just talking.. we'd be visiting his church and my church.. hay.. everytime I go to mass on Sundays, I always thought of someday him going with me there.. where during the 'Our Father' I'd be holding his hand.. :(
hay.. but it's all a dream now.. for he has found someone else to love..
I may be hurt but I am slowly accepting it na.. Friends have been telling me to be angry para mas madali ang acceptance, but I could never be angry at him.. it's not his fault, it's neither our faults.. Time just didn't allow us.
Maybe truly God has other plans
And slowly these days I'm appreciating what I have.. kahit how small.. babaw ko na nga eh, I easily smile at little things.
As jenny my everdearest berkz always says.... "Enjoy the feeling, be it hurt, happiness or Love".
I came across today a thread sa tsinoy it was asking the questions 'san ang mas masakit' wherein there were two photos.. one of which is magkasama ang babae at lalake with a friend (lalake) tapos the girl may have her arm around the guy.. but the girl is holding another guys hand.. and the other one the same the girl has her arm over the guy.. but the guy is holding another man's hand!
Yeah a funny thought.. but now it isn't too funny for me anymore.. when I thought about it more, I realized both the photos do hurt a lot.. but what truly hurts deeper, like a dagger straight to ur heart is when the person you truly loved would tell you straight na he loves someone else and was just waiting for the right moment to break it to you gently.
I mean, it's ok if you've heard rumors and you believed them but in my case, I never thought of the possibility.. yeah I know it was stupid of me.. but I do believe when you love someone, Trust is very important.. Trusting is not putting a mark on all of his mistakes so that when the need comes you may be able to bring them to surface once again.. for me kasi Trusting is fully letting go and seeing the person as someone you could trust your life with.. I knew there was a possibility of hurting a lot.. but I never thought he could replace me just like that. :(
I still get stunned everytime I recall the lines he told me.. I asked him 'do you love her?' he said 'medyo' .. just typing the word feels as if my heart is torn all over again.. pero what truly makes a tear fall is when I recall the words 'I was just waiting for the right time to break it to you gently coz I didn't want you hurt'
hmm... ironically, when does saying those lines never hurt ba? the mere fact na pinagpalit ka hurts too much na..
But then I guess he never believed I loved him so much.. it was not the grade six puppy love where you get butterflies in your stomach whenever your crush approaches.. neither was it a highschool love where thoughts of fairy tales ending suffice.. neither was is college flames where thoughts of lust and extreme enjoyment blinds the minds of people..
It was a relationship based on friendship.. the kind where I know he was comfortable enough to tell me all his thoughts and feelings and I was able to be, for the first time, myself.. it was a love where flaws were discovered but slowly understood and accepted.. where there was longingness to see him again, to get the chance to talk to him once more, just to see him smile know he's ok.. I even usually imagined how the meeting would be.. hehe.. we'd be eating quek quek.. fishballs.. the famous siopao of a place he knows.. then we'd be sitting somewhere just talking.. we'd be visiting his church and my church.. hay.. everytime I go to mass on Sundays, I always thought of someday him going with me there.. where during the 'Our Father' I'd be holding his hand.. :(
hay.. but it's all a dream now.. for he has found someone else to love..
I may be hurt but I am slowly accepting it na.. Friends have been telling me to be angry para mas madali ang acceptance, but I could never be angry at him.. it's not his fault, it's neither our faults.. Time just didn't allow us.
Maybe truly God has other plans
And slowly these days I'm appreciating what I have.. kahit how small.. babaw ko na nga eh, I easily smile at little things.
As jenny my everdearest berkz always says.... "Enjoy the feeling, be it hurt, happiness or Love".
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