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..want to be super sleepy before i lie down to sleep..

am i tired? yeah!
am i sleepy? yeah!
then why don't i go to sleep?!
~ simply because if im not yet SUPER DUPER sleepy, when i lie down, i get restless and think negative thoughts again, worries and insecurities that'll keep me up all night! yeah, kinda sounds weird but i only lie down now-a-days when my eyes are too heavy to stay open.

hmm.. i've been having sleep problems for weeks now.. it's funny coz kung kelan pa nagiging super busy days ko eh this thing occurs.. hmm.. well.. maybe my mind if working overtime lang.

~
anyways, no matter how BUSY the word busy means, i don't believe one truly IS busy.. i think they just dont want to squeeze in some stuff.. BUSY is a poor excuse to say than saying out loud I DON'T WANT TO.. well.. though i do try to keep myself positive these days, there are just times when one misses the old times (im only human..) yeah i do hope and am trying to be heartless but.. well.. grr... no matter how hard i try.. some thoughts just pop up!.. like thoughts of that someone i really cared for.. whew.. denying the fact that i miss him at times is such a difficult lie to admit.. haha.. but am getting good at reasoning na siguro that's why i don't hurt as much anymore..

was talking to bevs (an office-business-friend) a couple of days ago.. we started talking about familiar things (we are at the same type of situation ~ feeling for someone a thousand miles away ~ not really sure of what's real and imaginary *haha! i know many can relate to those nowadays*) didn't really intentionally want to talk about it.. but due to time availabilty, we just pondered on.. and i realized.. though the feeling might have been imaginary all along, the events truly shaped us (in this case me) so much more than anyone could ever believe so.. no matter how the past have marked some wounds, it truly helps us become even better.. nakz.. im not really into this typing thing.. but.. just realized whew.. he did get the worst of me.. haha.. thinking on what i have done to the person, how my attitude was, how demanding i might have seemed, how much did he suffer kaya?! enduring all those immaturity! whew! hahaha...

hehe on the lighter side.. ive truly appreciated how much time he did spend for me.. and siguro the regret i have now is sayang coz he never saw the mature me.. i can be mature rin pala.. siguro di niya nakayanan ang immaturity.. whew.. hehe..

well.. enough of the senti-ness..siguro there's a great part of me that wishes na sana i wasn't so immature when we met.. and wondering.. how things could have been if i met him now. im not saying im all-mature now.. but i know ive grown in wisdom and maturity kahit papano.


Maybe it's wrong to say 'please love me too' coz i know you'll never do...
.... somebody else is waiting there inside for you...
Maybe it's wrong to love you more each day...
....coz i know she's there to stay...


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