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Confusion.. whew..

"If only I can give you what you deserve, but I can't"
"well,i'm not ready to have you financially"

T'was such a confusing day kahapon.. the people I cared for (in separate occasions hindi ako palikera) just confessed they did feel something but didn't want to reveal due to those reasons above.

I mean.. hmm.. who do I deserve then?

I went blank yesterday but thoughts about it didn't allow me to sleep.. what ever happened to 'fighting for what you believe and love'... 'we can make it'

Truly Trust and Belief in someone is the most important thing that would bind something special.. but hay.. they don't see that in me.

All they see is super high person na no one can reach.. na di dapat mahirapan.. ...ano ako gold?!

Hay.. I'm not mad.. am just sad..

Everyday I see how my mom supports my dad.. they weren't always like they are now.. they started out na lower middle class si mom then si dad eh from a broken family.. they would tell us tales about my mother's side na match-box size lang ung meat nila for dinner each coz they were 7 and ah-ma ko lang support when their ang-kong died... they had a tough life.. walking lang to their school and home..

father's side.. they would even sing-off lunch(that's why gagaling nila to play the guitar.. no choice eh.. no food. so sing to forget lunch).. specially when my grandpa decided to leave them for another woman.. eh grandpa ko lang ang may work/business.. grandma was busy with her church activities coz it relieves her heartbreak.. so what happened to the kids? they would borrow money from the workers, the neighbors.. to buy a small can of sardines..

When they met.. they got trials.. but they believed they can do it.. I can remember na ung time na wala na pera talga grandpa ko to send my father to medschool.. nangutang dad ko.. pakapalan mukha to go to each relative they got.. he explained na it was the most humbling thing he had ever done in his life.. but he still did it, for a future.. my mom and dad would even go for small business of buy and sell (dad would buy cloth in manila then mom would sell it here in davao.. mom would buy surplus small radio in davao and dad would sell it in manila) just to have enough air-fare for them to meet once a year.. or once every 2 years..

The tough times allowed them to know each other better.. and to love each other more..

Now, they are still at it.. always side-by-side.. and I can see in their eyes they do love each other.. they need not say but their actions show how much they care for each other.

Hay.. there are a lot of stories in their past.. and everytime they share the story, I keep wondering 'will I ever get the chance to do that?
Am not saying I want problems, all I want is the chance to try lang.. testing things if we can do it.. taking risk is not a mistake, it's a way to measure one's ability.. and one's real person.
Oh well, that's life... but I'm happy though coz at least I knew na di naman pala talga Unrequited yung what I felt/feel... they just couldn't take me as I am..
...It's not the end that's important.. it's how you got there.
--- Happy Birthday to My one and only Ahiya.. hehe.. birthday ni Choyax Bro yesterday ---

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