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rumblings

I got so many questions in my mind today.. simple ones and may even be selfish.

I'm 25.. going 26 soon.. and I guess I'm near the crossroads of my life (or even in it, just didn't know) and yet I couldn't really say I've done a single great thing for the last few years or so.

Now I begin to ask.. Why am I here? What's the sense of my life and where am I going?

There are so many changes in my life, for one thing I noticed that the once unblemished face of mine now has a dark eyebag almost every single day from furiously crying the night before. Am I going to be like this for all eternity? There must be something more.

I have given up a love that felt so real coz the other doesn't think it was real (or maybe di talaga pala totoo un in the first place).. ah yeah I know, I should get over it.. but hey, I'm human, I can't just throw these things away just like an old rug.

I'm not someone who crosses the likes of love everyday, I'm one of the unfortunate few who waited for a long time to be given a chance to be in love.. and yet time hasn't allowed me to feel it longer.. and I had to let go immediately. Hay indeed life is unfair.

I envy people and couples passing by.. I envy people saying "ah 5years na kami!" and those saying "we'll be getting married na".. It's not because I want to get married na, but simply envying them for they have someone there beside them who loves them effortlessly.

I'd be lying if I'd say I dont need those.. I do need love in my life, coz it keeps me happy. But if the architect of this life doesn't want me to be with love, I'm helplessly at his mercy and there's nothing I can do about it.

So, the only source of joy that's left of me is my desire to go for simbang gabi starting sa 16th.. I don't know why, but I badly want to go for simbang gabi na. :) funny noh?

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