Skip to main content

rumblings

I got so many questions in my mind today.. simple ones and may even be selfish.

I'm 25.. going 26 soon.. and I guess I'm near the crossroads of my life (or even in it, just didn't know) and yet I couldn't really say I've done a single great thing for the last few years or so.

Now I begin to ask.. Why am I here? What's the sense of my life and where am I going?

There are so many changes in my life, for one thing I noticed that the once unblemished face of mine now has a dark eyebag almost every single day from furiously crying the night before. Am I going to be like this for all eternity? There must be something more.

I have given up a love that felt so real coz the other doesn't think it was real (or maybe di talaga pala totoo un in the first place).. ah yeah I know, I should get over it.. but hey, I'm human, I can't just throw these things away just like an old rug.

I'm not someone who crosses the likes of love everyday, I'm one of the unfortunate few who waited for a long time to be given a chance to be in love.. and yet time hasn't allowed me to feel it longer.. and I had to let go immediately. Hay indeed life is unfair.

I envy people and couples passing by.. I envy people saying "ah 5years na kami!" and those saying "we'll be getting married na".. It's not because I want to get married na, but simply envying them for they have someone there beside them who loves them effortlessly.

I'd be lying if I'd say I dont need those.. I do need love in my life, coz it keeps me happy. But if the architect of this life doesn't want me to be with love, I'm helplessly at his mercy and there's nothing I can do about it.

So, the only source of joy that's left of me is my desire to go for simbang gabi starting sa 16th.. I don't know why, but I badly want to go for simbang gabi na. :) funny noh?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

WhaT DoNuT ArE YoU!?

You Are a Glazed Donut Okay, you know that you're plain - and you're cool with that. You prefer not to let anything distract from your sweetness. Your appeal is understated yet universal. Everyone dig you. And in a pinch, you'll probably get eaten. What Donut Are You?

It's up to my wife....

"It's up to my wife.." A student told me today when I asked them to present in class their future plans. I honestly was taken aback by his response. He wasn't the type of who would let someone decide for him. But there he was telling me this. Somehow, I wasn't sure that his declaration was for real. When I asked him if the decision to get married was his, he simply said, "I don't have a choice." I wonder. If I were the fiance and I heard all these, how would it feel like? On the other hand, will men really dodge the bullets of marriage if they could? Why so? Is marriage only for the weak? I hope not.

My Supposedly 1st Year Anniversary

I woke up today hoping the feeling would be gone But then I realized, it just can't be done. Thoughts raged as I recalled.. It was this day.... 1 year had gone. Hmm... it was dawn when we finally decided to try and put our friendship to second base. I was so excited coz you'd be my first. Didn't really know how it would turn out, but I had hopes na it would somehow last. I was wrong, so naive, so foolish. Didn't see, didn't know it would end like this. I trusted, I cared, I loved. You didn't believe... Oh! a dud! When I knew your past I said to myself "he didn't deserve that... I would never leave him". Alas in the end, I was left like a baby puppy left in the rain to die. (firugatively speaking hehehe) 1 year I thought things would change. My heart's beating would finally end its pain. But no! Oh how could this be? How could I still be inlove with thee????!!!! Love, a profoundly mysterious feeling that sulks deep within one's heart. Ma...